Monday, January 14, 2008

5w1d = 17,901 mIU/ml

That seems freakishly high to me. And it would mean a doubling time of 48.9 hours, whereas I thought doubling times were supposed to drop by the time hCG gets this high. The doctor wasn't worried, though, according to the nurse with whom I spoke, so I'm going to try not to worry as well. She said their ranges for normal are quite different from what I've seen everywhere else -- the range she uses extends up to 18,000 for women between weeks 4 and 5 and to 22,000 for women between weeks 5 and 6. That said, if mine keeps doubling at this rate, it'll be well over 22,000 by the time I hit week 6 -- with that doubling time, it'd be over 22,000 by the end of today.

I realized today that part of the reason I am getting so worried is because I have a thoroughly irrational fear that if I don't worry then I will have jinxed myself and something bad will happen. It's as if letting myself relax would require letting my guard down, thereby making me vulnerable to all sorts of harm, not the least of which is the emotional harm that would come from getting burned after exposing that softer, more vulnerable side. So I am, for now, wrapping myself in a cocoon of anxiety. It feels safer in here.

9 comments:

Jen said...

Maybe you are working on twins, with numbers that high. Or maybe this baby has decided to just be really reassuring.

Worrying makes me feel better too.

Baby Step said...

I am sorry you are so worried. A belated congrats to you though!!!

Katie said...

Holy BETA!

I refuse to think anything but the best for you, Sweet Pea. I know you will still worry, because that's what we do.

I think this little one is just reaching out to soothe your fears. Of course, I googled "too high beta" and came up with two very nice reasons:

1) Multiple pregnancy
2) Miscalculation of ovulation

When do you get an ultrasound? You should be able to see something at this level of hormone.

Mr. & Mrs. M@sk said...

I refuse to think anything but the best for you too! How do you feel about multiples? ;-) Can't wait to see your healthy bub/s u/s pics xo

sushilover said...

Ahhh to worry or not to worry. Strangely enough (or not so) I completely understand your philosophy. I have a feeling though...that everything will be fine.

Ms. Infertile said...

I think the worrying is comepletly normal too. And thanks for writing your posts. I haven't been able to even put together words this past week. Your posts help me feel like what I'm feeling over here is OK.
The 22nd is getting closer :)

niobe said...

I have a similar attitude. If I don't think things will be okay, maybe they will be.

katherine said...

Sounds like you have a healthy baby!! I'm thrilled for you and your husband.

KatieM said...

You know, it's weird. When I was pregnant with the twins I never worried....I always assumed I didn't have a reason to. I even had a pedicure and ate some sushi *gasp*, however given the circumstances of that pregnancy I think I am going to have the same irrational fear you have now. So, if several people have the same irrational fear, is it still irrational? ;-)