My Falling Out With Reason

I kinda wanted to say screw the doctor's recommendation to wait and instead start trying again this month, but P is scared of getting yelled at by our OB. (Also, we both don't want to cancel our participation in what was supposed to be (unbeknownst to my family when it was scheduled) a show-the-baby-off family vacation in July, even though there will now be no baby to show off, and we would most definitely have to if we were successful this month since the vacation would start on what would be my due date.) Now I find myself telling P that we might as well not bother with birth control from hereonout since I'm 4DPO, according to my chart at Fertility Friend, and we would both rather go without. On some level, though, I think I am secretly hoping that there is still some non-degenerated, fertilizable egg kicking around in there that will somehow be fertilized and turn into our miracle baby. I think I am completely losing my grasp on the rational world.