Lemonade List

I've been trying to be positive about the must-wait-a-full-cycle (i.e. get 2 periods) directive we got from the doctor, so I made a mental list of things to do while waiting. I tried to include as many things as possible that I couldn't/wouldn't do if I was pregnant and/or able to obsess about making a person, but am also trying to see this as a good time to get my proverbial (and literal, in many cases) house in order. As I am a list person at heart (read: uptight, overly goal-oriented, better at planning than doing), I am going to write some of them down, so I can assess my progress. I also secretly hope that it will make me more likely to do them, as I am generally better at identifying what needs doing than actually doing those things.

1. Finish the flower garden (pull out the remaining overgrown and unsalvageable bushes, clear the soil, lay nourishing topsoil, and plant bushes and flowers) -- cat poop be damned!
2. Paint the guest room (it's been white since we moved in, and I bought paint a good while ago but never painted) -- who cares about fumes?
3. Paint the trim in all upstairs rooms, fix the shower curtain (i.e. replace it and hang it from the newly-painted trim to keep it from sitting in the tub), and hang the custom shades we ordered a while back
4. Clean out the guest room, including emptying boxes still packed from when we moved in 2004
5. Ditto for the office
6. Work out 4-5 days a week, even when it isn't convenient -- I may try to redo the 6 week couch-to-5k running program I did this spring, as I really enjoyed it
7. Knock some quick and easy (and often self-indulgent) items off my long-term to-do list: hire someone to clean our house every other week; reorder the shade that was missing when the order came; get the dog's nails trimmed; get a haircut; get a massage

I made this list four and a half weeks ago when I had the D&E (around the same time I decided I wanted a tattoo (which I don't) and a lemon tree (which won't do well outdoors here, and our house won't fit a tree)) but spent a lot of time wallowing in self-pity, not really feeling like doing much of anything. I made the list in part because I wanted something to do to pass the time while waiting.

It's hard to believe it's been more than a month, that I've already gotten my period again, that I have gotten to where I can go a day or even two without crying. But it's also hard to believe that it wasn't that long ago that I was a person who thought miscarriage wouldn't happen to her. I don't think I really need to work through the list to pass the time, but I do think I need to do it to keep myself moving forward, instead of standing still while time moves forward around me.