How Much Can One Couple Accomplish in Nine Weeks

For the past several weeks, it's been weighing on me how much we have to do and how little time we have in which to do it, both on a daily basis and on a more global oh-my-word-this-child-is-due-in-nine-weeks basis. (Speaking of which, the reality of having a second child hasn't sunk in at all. At all. I can recognize that I'm pregnant, but that there will be a baby at the end? Lost on me.)

I sat down this weekend to put together a to-do list. By the time I was done, it was three pages long. Three damn pages. I think seeing its length, plus having it broken into discrete tasks (with the validating feeling one gets from checking items off a list) has spurred us both into action.

The list includes, but is not limited to:

• Finish painting trim of Harry's big boy room (BBR)*
• Clean walls and floors of BBR
• Remove all tools, etc., from BBR**
• Paint furniture (dresser, bed, trunk, bookcase, desk, chair) for BBR***
• Buy a second crib
• Buy a second crib mattress
• Assemble crib
• Buy bedding/decor for BBR and decorate room
• Clean out closet of BBR
• Put foam tiles back on floor of playroom (we took them up when the basement flooded two weeks ago)
• Acquire double stroller
• Get all of Harry's clothes and cloth diapers out of the nursery and into his BBR
• Get all 0-3 clothes from attic and make sure they're clean, then put away anything neutral enough to use regardless of what we have
• Get all newborn cloth diapers from attic and make sure they're clean, then put them away
• Get bouncy seat and swing out and find a place for them
• Wash playmat and set it up in playroom
• Reinstall carseat base for infant seat
• At least pretend to have some sort of conversation about names for this child
• Pack hospital bag
• Come up with a firmer plan for Harry for when we go to the hospital (plan is currently "call MIL")
• Get a second carseat for MIL's car (which will move to our second car when we're all home from the hospital)
• Clean out freezer
• Make freezer meals
  

And then there are the things that need to get done and would ideally get done before we become a family of four, but which are not 100% critical:

• Finish patio (yes, this was on the pre-Harry list too)
• Get estimates and hire electrician (also on pre-Harry list)
• Put up fence
• Purge crap from entire house
• Organize house once less cluttered
• Hire a new cleaner
• Organize our finances
• Develop some kind of estate plan
• Find and meet with a financial planner
  

Possible? Maybe. But not likely (way to be optimistic, huh?). There just aren't enough hours in the day/week/month to work full time, take care of Harry (and Buddy, who really needs his nails trimmed and needs a vet tech appointment for one shot or another), sleep, and do everything on the list, while also not getting burned out. I am burned out just thinking about it.

* Harry will be moving into a big boy room (but staying in a crib) before the new baby arrives so that the new baby can move into the nursery. The nursery is just too small for Harry to stay in once long-term, so we're going to try to make the transition now.

** The BBR was the guest room and needed its ceiling replaced, which P and his mother's husband did at Christmas time. Yet the tools remained, and the painting (while mostly done) wasn't finished).

*** Harry is inheriting all of my childhood furniture. It's in decent shape, but is ugly -- thankfully in ways that can be fixed by paint, we hope.

Paralysis: Time to Make Lists

I feel a tremendous paralysis with respect to the things that I need to get done. In short, when I have a lot to do, I feel overwhelmed by it and therefore do nothing. As a result, I live in a constant state of stress and anxiety -- and I have the ability to do something about it but don't. And this is bad. In an effort to give myself a kick in the pants (and feeling inspired by Katie's lists), I am making lists.

These are the things that are currently on my baby-related to do list (many of which are thankfully non-urgent) -- I reserve the right to add to it and/or cross things off as I accomplish them (green=in progress):

• Hang clock in nursery
• Hang corner shelves in nursery
• Hang wall shelves in nursery
• Hang quilt in nursery (figure out how to do so beforehand -- suggestions?)
• Sort through all the presents we got at our shower, putting away what we can and putting all things requiring washing into the baby hamper -- can't put anything away, though, until the shelves are up
• Wash everything in the baby hamper, numerous times ideally
• Wash all cloth diapers
• Call electrician to get new outlet put into the basement so we can get a freezer for down there for storing meals for after baby comes. (Also have them get a permit for basement work that P did and have it inspected so we can put the ceiling back up.) Need to get estimates first.
• Alternatively clean out freezer upstairs
• Make meals for freezing.
• Clean (as in straighten up -- thankfully we have a cleaning service that does that actual cleaning) our entire house -- it is a sty with crap everywhere. It's seriously embarassing. Anyone have any advice on clutter? I have a serious problem with it. I hate throwing things away, especially if we might eventually need them, but we don't have room for stuff. I think I may have some sort of serious problem. I can't bring myself to get rid of old cassette tapes, or Walkmen/Discmen (the latter is probably 15 years old), or faded color paper, or fabric scraps, or picture frames we haven't used (or hung, in the case of those that have pictures in them) since we moved 3.5 years ago.
• Clean out the cube storage unit in the family room and put baby toys in it
• Clear off coffee table and move to basement to make room for the baby in the family room
• Get car seat installation in new car inspected and base installed in old car (thankfully P installed the car seat in the new car last weekend -- I set up the Pack N Play, which was, I guess, another thing I did this past weekend and forgot about)
• Buy rechargeable batteries (a ton of Ds and some AAs) and a charger
• Decide whether MIL will be present for delivery
• Set up an appointment with HR to get things squared away for maternity leave
• Pick a pediatrician -- this will require scheduling interview appointments with at least a few, and I have no idea how to do this when I have to go to work every day
• Start thinking more seriously about day care -- I'm feeling very behind on this, even though we don't need it until March
• Get the stuff we didn't get through showers and have not yet bought ourselves -- definitely need: nursing pads, Lanisoh, outlet covers, crib pads, second changing pad cover (and possibly first -- it disappeared off our registry, but we haven't received it from anyone), additional layette items. I ordered most of the cloth diapering supplies we didn't get and will need right away yesterday. And I made us an appointment for a training session at a local cloth diapering store for next weekend; I assume we can pick up anything else we need then.
• Acquire some sort of nursing tank or gown (or anything at all appropriate as sleepwear) to wear in hospital (though I'm happy to say I finally ordered a couple of nursing bras)
• Pack hospital bags
• Finish picking names, or at least have another conversation about them
• Shower thank you notes

P has his own list of (non-baby-related) projects he has started but not finished, and this also stresses me out to no end. Here are some of them:

• Finish rebuilding the patio that he tore up almost 2 years ago -- it's going to be a safety hazard for a baby, and I don't know when it will ever get done since it's been two years and it's less than half done as far as the finishing work goes
• Put ceiling back up in basement so I can get the stuff that belongs in the finished section out of the unfinished section and begin organizing both areas (wow -- P did it all this weekend, even though there's still no ceiling
• Sort through the giant pile of stuff he brought over from his mother's attic that is currently cluttering up the unfinished section of the basement -- some of the stuff (like old fireworks) is dangerous!
• Finish weed-killing/grass-growing project begun in May -- stage 2 was supposed to be done in June, and it's August
• Start taking some of the necessary steps to find a new job, since he hopes to get one while on parental leave

I fear that P too is paralyzed by his list. Even if he just made ten minutes of progress a day on any one thing, he would be making progress. But some projects have necessary precursor steps (like the basement ceiling, which requires getting the electric work he did permitted and approved, which requires an electrician) and others are ones he says he can't do ten minutes of at a time since he has to change into dirty clothes to do them and shower after, which hardly seem worth it for only ten minutes of productivity and others still require that we have a day or two when rain isn't in the forecast, which hasn't really happened much this summer. P is super-ambitious when it comes to taking things on -- and very handy as well, but has a tendency not to finish projects he starts (some projects for the reasons noted). And I am just not in a position to be of much help on many of these things right now (and I've been on him about the job stuff since the fall of 2004 and have clearly made no progress). And I feel like a bitch nagging him at all since he does a ton of stuff around the house at this point, including all lawn mowing, more than his share of taking the dog outside, more than his share of grocery shopping, etc. And while he never puts clothes away, resulting in most of the clutter in our room, he otherwise contributes far less to the clutter in the house than I do (which I think drives him nuts). (See above for more on my clutter issues (though I did successfully freecycle our old TV and two old radiators that were taking up space in our basement).)

So, even though I am exhausted and my hands barely seem to function these days (this is rapidly becoming the worst thing about pregnancy -- I can barely open and close my hands, and if I use them for more than a couple of minutes, especially to grip anything, they tingle until they become numb), I think tonight when I get home I'm just going to start tackling the list. As much as I'd prefer to have dinner and/or watch TV, we really have to get this stuff done, and the stress of having all of this looming is way worse than dealing with being hungry or the desire to know what happened on the Olympics would be. We are running out of time, or we will if we don't get moving.

101 in 1001

Okay, I love lists. And this seems like the ultimate project for a list lover -- identify 101 tasks and complete them in 1001 days. I fear that the time period is too long to keep me motivated (I am a great starter but get bored easily), and I also fear that these tasks may be too closely aligned with the state of my life today, which may be quite different from the state of my life in 2.75 years, but I'm going to give it a shot.

I originally made my list by category, but it felt restrictive and I wasn't sure that I knew the difference between two of the categories, so I mashed it them all together (challenge for the bored, or myself at a later date: see if you can identify where the sections break and what the sections were). Technically, I made and started the list yesterday, so I'm using yesterday as the start date, but I was still refining it this morning (and reserve the right to continue to refine it as time goes on).

The Mission: Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria: Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days? Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Some common goal setting tips:

1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it.
2. Stay Focused. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.
3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.
4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.
5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your thinking.

Start date: Mon Nov 12 2007
End date: Mon Aug 09 2010
Last updated: Wed Aug 05 2009 (day 633, week 91, month 21)

1. Learn to play four chords on the guitar (0/4)
2. Learn to play 3 songs on the guitar (0/3)
3. Blog daily for one month three times (60/90)
4. Write one poem per week for 2 months (0/9)
5. Knit a sweater (0/1)
6. Knit/crochet a blanket (0/1)
7. Try one new recipe each week for 2 months (0/9)
8. Change sheets every week for 2 months (0/9)
9. Learn to sew (0/1)
10. Write a letter of substance every three months (0/11)
11. Go to a hockey game (0/1)
12. Go to a college sporting event (0/1)
13. Hang one thing in each room, minus kitchen and baths (6/8)
14. Ask for someone's advice and take it (0/1)
15. Attend one BSO concert (0/1)
16. Attend one Pops concert (1/1)
17. Teach dog one new trick (0/1)
18. Have a baby (1/1)
19. Brew beer (0/1)
20. Try geocaching (0/1)
21. Continue 2007 resolution to start and finish one book per month (9/33)
22. Read 15 fiction books (11/15)
23. Read 10 nonfiction books (4/10)
24. Read 10 books from one of the Modern Library's best books lists (1/10)
25. Visit the Royall House (0/1)
26. Visit a Family History Center (0/1)
27. Attend one Alumni College lecture each year (0/3)
28. Attend one CLE or Bar Association program every quarter (2/11)
29. Blog personal career evaluation once every six months (what I've learned, what I want to learn, thoughts on where I'm headed) (1/6)
30. Get a compost bin and start composting (1/1)
31. Plant an herb garden (0/1)
32. Plant a vegetable garden (0/1)
33. Finish planting flower beds (0/1)
34. Fence yard (0/1)
35. Clean out and paint small room (aka the-room-that-shall-not-be-named-but-is-currently-storage) (2/2)
36. Create eating plan for family room (1/1)
37. Organize files and update annually (0/3)
38. Catalogue books owned (0/1)
39. Organize genealogical research and update annually (0/3)
40. Buy or make curtains for master bedroom (0/1)
41. Buy or make better window treatments for family room, living room, dining room (0/3)
42. Identify and get involved with a volunteer project (0/1)
43. Get on a committee or involved with a group at church (1/1) -- elected to 3 year Vestry term on 1/27/08
44. Knit a scarf, hat and gloves to give away (0/1)
45. Buy extra food at grocery store for Food Sunday 6 times (3/6)
46. Do a river, town or neighborhood clean up (0/1)
47. Participate in Walk for Hunger every year (2/3)
48. Do 150 hours of pro bono work (90/150)
49. Do 75 hours of community service (0/75)
50. Read a chapter from the Bible outside church once per week (40/143)
51. Pray daily for one month three times (0/90)
52. Go camping 3 times (0/3)
53. Hike 2 new trails (0/2)
54. Visit 4 of the national parks (0/4)
55. Visit 4 new states (0/4)
56. Take one good photo each day for a month three times (0/90)
57. See 15 wonders I haven't seen before from Top 1000 Wonders list (8/15)
58. See 10 movies I have not seen before from the AFI top 100 movies list (0/10)
59. Take an art class -- photography or oil painting or something else entirely (0/1)
60. Visit 2 continents other than N. America or Europe (0/2)
61. Visit 8 countries I have not previously visited (3/8)
62. Wedding scrapbook (0/1)
63. Add one thing to list of things that make me happy daily (63/1001)
64. Say or do one nice thing to/for someone else daily (105/1001)
65. Make a calendar from photos taken (0/1)
66. Visit the art gallery in town (1/1)
67. Feed someone's expired meter 5x (2/5)
68. Perform 5 other random acts of kindness (2/5)
69. Pay off private student loan
70. Pay off home equity line
71. Accrue three months salary in brokerage account
72. Save for and buy a new car for P
73. Save for each vacation before planning it (3/3)
74. Consolidate all finances
75. Bring lunch 1x/week (28/143)
76. Write a will (and make sure P does too) (0/1)
77. Donate to charity or free-cycle 100 items (43/100)
78. Email one friend I've lost touch with 30 times (4/30)
79. Reply to each email received the day it was received for 2 weeks (0/14)
80. Call one friend I don't talk to regularly per month (2/33)
81. Send thank you notes for every gift received
82. Send Christmas cards at least one year (1/1)
83. Go on one date with P each month (11/33)
84. Take one dance lesson with P (0/1)
85. Get dog's nails cut 16+ times (7/16)
86. Drink 80+ ounces of water daily
87. Take vitamins every day<>
88. Perform 30 minutes of cardio, 4x/week (62/572)
89. Average one yoga session per week (13/143)
90. Average two 30-minute strength training sessions per week (28/286)
91. Try one new class at gym 9 times (2/9)
92. Floss daily
93. Play tennis (0/1)
94. Swim laps once per week for 2 months twice (0/18)
95. Walk dog every day for 2 weeks twice (14/28)
96. Run every other day for one month three times (0/45)
97. Take one martial arts class (0/1)
98. Visit the dentist 6 times (2/6)
99. Try cottage cheese, brussel sprouts, and one other food I'm afraid to try
100. Finish walking every street in my city (0/1)
101. Create new list

Lemonade List

I've been trying to be positive about the must-wait-a-full-cycle (i.e. get 2 periods) directive we got from the doctor, so I made a mental list of things to do while waiting. I tried to include as many things as possible that I couldn't/wouldn't do if I was pregnant and/or able to obsess about making a person, but am also trying to see this as a good time to get my proverbial (and literal, in many cases) house in order. As I am a list person at heart (read: uptight, overly goal-oriented, better at planning than doing), I am going to write some of them down, so I can assess my progress. I also secretly hope that it will make me more likely to do them, as I am generally better at identifying what needs doing than actually doing those things.

1. Finish the flower garden (pull out the remaining overgrown and unsalvageable bushes, clear the soil, lay nourishing topsoil, and plant bushes and flowers) -- cat poop be damned!
2. Paint the guest room (it's been white since we moved in, and I bought paint a good while ago but never painted) -- who cares about fumes?
3. Paint the trim in all upstairs rooms, fix the shower curtain (i.e. replace it and hang it from the newly-painted trim to keep it from sitting in the tub), and hang the custom shades we ordered a while back
4. Clean out the guest room, including emptying boxes still packed from when we moved in 2004
5. Ditto for the office
6. Work out 4-5 days a week, even when it isn't convenient -- I may try to redo the 6 week couch-to-5k running program I did this spring, as I really enjoyed it
7. Knock some quick and easy (and often self-indulgent) items off my long-term to-do list: hire someone to clean our house every other week; reorder the shade that was missing when the order came; get the dog's nails trimmed; get a haircut; get a massage

I made this list four and a half weeks ago when I had the D&E (around the same time I decided I wanted a tattoo (which I don't) and a lemon tree (which won't do well outdoors here, and our house won't fit a tree)) but spent a lot of time wallowing in self-pity, not really feeling like doing much of anything. I made the list in part because I wanted something to do to pass the time while waiting.

It's hard to believe it's been more than a month, that I've already gotten my period again, that I have gotten to where I can go a day or even two without crying. But it's also hard to believe that it wasn't that long ago that I was a person who thought miscarriage wouldn't happen to her. I don't think I really need to work through the list to pass the time, but I do think I need to do it to keep myself moving forward, instead of standing still while time moves forward around me.