Our friend who is due with twins (two girls!) in June has been having a rough pregnancy. Terrible morning sickness was followed by a strange problem with her back causing pain to radiate throughout her torso. When that finally got under control, the Braxton Hicks began, landing her in the hospital a few times. Over the past week, they have become painful, and an ultrasound showed that her cervix had shortened significantly, so she was put on bedrest.
Her first day of bedrest, the contractions increased in frequency, and she was admitted to the hospital. After steroid injections and a drug to stop the contractions (neither mag nor terbutaline -- because I wasn't familiar with it, I have forgotten what it was), the contractions stopped and she was moved from L&D to an observation floor. She was supposed to come home yesterday, but still wasn't home when I last checked in earlier today.
If you could keep her in your thoughts, I'd appreciate it. And if anyone has any suggestions for she and her husband with respect to getting through a month or more of bedrest, send them my way and I'll pass them on. (And to the one of you who knows her, I'm not sure how public she has been with this info, so please don't mention it unless she has mentioned it to you.) Thanks!
Showing posts with label other pregnant people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label other pregnant people. Show all posts
Monday, April 19, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Registries
When attending a shower for a friend, do you generally shop on or off the registry?
I ask because I am a registry person, especially so for babies (in contrast with bridal showers, where I will occasionally go off-registry). My feeling is that the person best knows what they need when it comes to baby items, and I want to be sure they have those things. And I'll go off registry occasionally with a bridal shower because, unless you're just graduating from college, one or both of you probably has pots and pans and dishes and utensils, and you can probably get by a little longer without a gravy boat to match your china pattern, but, when it comes to a baby shower, you probably don't have a spare infant seat. And they won't let you leave the hospital without one. I will sometimes also get a cute clothing item or a blankie or a toy or a book, but I tend to have my main gift(s) be from the baby registry.
This is on my mind because our friends who are expecting twins in June have their shower coming up this weekend. They don't have a ton of cash lying around and are expecting to have two additional people join their household in a few months, so they need a lot of stuff. They kept their registry fairly minimalist in order to ensure people gave them the things they really needed -- carseats, stroller, monitor, etc. I was worried there wouldn't be enough on it, that it would be cleaned out by a week or two before the shower.
Yet, the shower is this weekend, but the vast majority of registry items remain unpurchased. The vast majority. Including basics (at a range of prices) like the baby monitor, crib sheets, changing pad, bathtub, hooded towels, sleep sacks. (Thankfully, the carseats and stroller have been purchased, as have some less-necessary/easy-to-buy-used items (like an exersaucer) that they can exchange if needed.) When BRU was having its big sale over Presidents Day weekend, I even sent an email out to the email list that the shower hostess had used to send a save the date to let them know about the sale and offer to share some coupons I had, but mainly I sent it to remind people that they are registered there. But only five more items have been purchased in the intervening two weeks.
For some reason, this is really bothering me. I am hoping that a lot of their friends/family are real last minute shoppers who will do their shopping Saturday morning in the hours before the shower, or that some of their relatives will give them cash, but I'm not holding my breath. Do other people not shop off registries? Am I the weird one here?
I ask because I am a registry person, especially so for babies (in contrast with bridal showers, where I will occasionally go off-registry). My feeling is that the person best knows what they need when it comes to baby items, and I want to be sure they have those things. And I'll go off registry occasionally with a bridal shower because, unless you're just graduating from college, one or both of you probably has pots and pans and dishes and utensils, and you can probably get by a little longer without a gravy boat to match your china pattern, but, when it comes to a baby shower, you probably don't have a spare infant seat. And they won't let you leave the hospital without one. I will sometimes also get a cute clothing item or a blankie or a toy or a book, but I tend to have my main gift(s) be from the baby registry.
This is on my mind because our friends who are expecting twins in June have their shower coming up this weekend. They don't have a ton of cash lying around and are expecting to have two additional people join their household in a few months, so they need a lot of stuff. They kept their registry fairly minimalist in order to ensure people gave them the things they really needed -- carseats, stroller, monitor, etc. I was worried there wouldn't be enough on it, that it would be cleaned out by a week or two before the shower.
Yet, the shower is this weekend, but the vast majority of registry items remain unpurchased. The vast majority. Including basics (at a range of prices) like the baby monitor, crib sheets, changing pad, bathtub, hooded towels, sleep sacks. (Thankfully, the carseats and stroller have been purchased, as have some less-necessary/easy-to-buy-used items (like an exersaucer) that they can exchange if needed.) When BRU was having its big sale over Presidents Day weekend, I even sent an email out to the email list that the shower hostess had used to send a save the date to let them know about the sale and offer to share some coupons I had, but mainly I sent it to remind people that they are registered there. But only five more items have been purchased in the intervening two weeks.
For some reason, this is really bothering me. I am hoping that a lot of their friends/family are real last minute shoppers who will do their shopping Saturday morning in the hours before the shower, or that some of their relatives will give them cash, but I'm not holding my breath. Do other people not shop off registries? Am I the weird one here?
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Baby Shower
I had one of those "it should have been me" days today. I was seated at the same table as a woman my old friend (whose baby shower I was attending) met online in a "due in April" chat room. They are both due the same week I was.
I was pretty impressed with myself. I held up surprisingly well. I was friendly and chatty and actually felt pretty okay. Until the conversation somehow took a turn in an unanticipated direction, and the various girls at the table started talking about when and how one tells others that one is pregnant. And that quickly turned into a discussion of women each of them know who have had miscarriages, and how those miscarriages have affected each of those women's decisions to tell people about subsequent pregnancies, and how knowing about those experiences has affected the women at the table.
I felt I had nothing to contribute to the conversation. Or, rather, I had everything to contribute to the conversation, but I didn't know any of these women and wasn't sure how much of myself I really wanted to put on this particular table. They were all talking about how you tell anyway because you would want support when things went wrong. Which I totally get. But some of us (and some of them, from what we had been talking about earlier in the lunch) have families in which telling one person and not telling another can cause rifts that never heal. And yet the person you "have to tell" is the last person you'd want to turn to for support. And that same person is unlikely to be able to keep a secret, so telling them is the equivalent of telling everyone they know, which makes for a huge long list of people to untell if everything goes wrong, and a huge long list of people who know and who will treat you differently in ways you really wish they wouldn't, because, with them, it's not about you but about them and about how they feel about your sadness.
In the end, I decided to jump in and risk being a hardcore downer. And they were more supportive than I ever could have imagined or expected -- more so than many of my real life friends who know. It was a pretty amazing experience.
That said, I cried most of the way home, sobbing and choking on my tears in a way I haven't for a while now. Apparently the brave face is still just a mask, and the sad, scared me still lives inside, just under the surface.
I was pretty impressed with myself. I held up surprisingly well. I was friendly and chatty and actually felt pretty okay. Until the conversation somehow took a turn in an unanticipated direction, and the various girls at the table started talking about when and how one tells others that one is pregnant. And that quickly turned into a discussion of women each of them know who have had miscarriages, and how those miscarriages have affected each of those women's decisions to tell people about subsequent pregnancies, and how knowing about those experiences has affected the women at the table.
I felt I had nothing to contribute to the conversation. Or, rather, I had everything to contribute to the conversation, but I didn't know any of these women and wasn't sure how much of myself I really wanted to put on this particular table. They were all talking about how you tell anyway because you would want support when things went wrong. Which I totally get. But some of us (and some of them, from what we had been talking about earlier in the lunch) have families in which telling one person and not telling another can cause rifts that never heal. And yet the person you "have to tell" is the last person you'd want to turn to for support. And that same person is unlikely to be able to keep a secret, so telling them is the equivalent of telling everyone they know, which makes for a huge long list of people to untell if everything goes wrong, and a huge long list of people who know and who will treat you differently in ways you really wish they wouldn't, because, with them, it's not about you but about them and about how they feel about your sadness.
In the end, I decided to jump in and risk being a hardcore downer. And they were more supportive than I ever could have imagined or expected -- more so than many of my real life friends who know. It was a pretty amazing experience.
That said, I cried most of the way home, sobbing and choking on my tears in a way I haven't for a while now. Apparently the brave face is still just a mask, and the sad, scared me still lives inside, just under the surface.
Monday, January 28, 2008
7w1d
Two weeks until my next appointment.
I had dinner tonight with one of the friends whose showers I went shopping for the other day. She is one of my oldest friends -- we had 7th grade English together, almost 20 years ago now. I was scared it would be a bit painful to see her and face the very obvious reminder of where I should have been, but it wasn't bad at all. We talked a good deal about her pregnancy, and about my miscarriage. It actually felt good to be able to talk about it with someone in real life, especially someone who gets it. I have talked to a few friends, but most are unmarried and can't really imagine being in a position to want a child, so they have a tendency to spout off statistics and minimize the pain part. This friend didn't do that. It was a great reminder of why we have been friends for so long and how lucky I am to have her in my life. She's going to be a great mom.
I had dinner tonight with one of the friends whose showers I went shopping for the other day. She is one of my oldest friends -- we had 7th grade English together, almost 20 years ago now. I was scared it would be a bit painful to see her and face the very obvious reminder of where I should have been, but it wasn't bad at all. We talked a good deal about her pregnancy, and about my miscarriage. It actually felt good to be able to talk about it with someone in real life, especially someone who gets it. I have talked to a few friends, but most are unmarried and can't really imagine being in a position to want a child, so they have a tendency to spout off statistics and minimize the pain part. This friend didn't do that. It was a great reminder of why we have been friends for so long and how lucky I am to have her in my life. She's going to be a great mom.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Reminder
The showers for those of my girlfriends due the week I was are coming up soon. I knew this time would come, and I was really dreading it. It is such a painful reminder of that which I thought would be but which will not. In August we each, in the privacy of our own lives, saw a positive pregnancy test and felt the excitement that comes along with it. We each innocently began to make plans, to fix a future date in our minds, to look ahead to April without any thought that anything could go wrong. And for the other three, it didn't. Part of me almost wishes my next appointment was after these showers rather than before them, as I fear that appointment will go badly, and the sorrow will overwhelm me, and I won't be able to be there at all. As the midwife pointed out at my last appointment, seeing a heartbeat at 6w2d didn't really change the risk profile at all.
We decided, after it became clear that we weren't going to get any Red Sox tickets this year (screw you, Virtual Waiting Room, and screw you scalpers who bought all the tickets and had them listed on eBay while we were still trying to get through), to head to that scary mecca down the road otherwise known as BRU to do some shower gift shopping. Like many others, I have such a love-hate relationship with that place. But we went. And I bought some registered-for gifts, small and soft and sweet. And P and I dared to look at some of the bedding sets. And he has a weird obsession with Pack N Plays, so we looked at some of those too. And we actually caved and bought ourselves two tiny pieces of clothing. I love them and the hope and promise that they represent. I just want to look at them all the time, as though they might somehow serve as amulets to ward of any ill that could befall us. As though they have the power to fill themselves with a warm, wiggling, crying, pooping body come September. As though they have some sort of power of their own, other than that which I ascribe to them.
We decided, after it became clear that we weren't going to get any Red Sox tickets this year (screw you, Virtual Waiting Room, and screw you scalpers who bought all the tickets and had them listed on eBay while we were still trying to get through), to head to that scary mecca down the road otherwise known as BRU to do some shower gift shopping. Like many others, I have such a love-hate relationship with that place. But we went. And I bought some registered-for gifts, small and soft and sweet. And P and I dared to look at some of the bedding sets. And he has a weird obsession with Pack N Plays, so we looked at some of those too. And we actually caved and bought ourselves two tiny pieces of clothing. I love them and the hope and promise that they represent. I just want to look at them all the time, as though they might somehow serve as amulets to ward of any ill that could befall us. As though they have the power to fill themselves with a warm, wiggling, crying, pooping body come September. As though they have some sort of power of their own, other than that which I ascribe to them.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Next
Three years ago, I went to the wedding to two good friends who I have known since junior high and high school. Our other mother (the mother who acted as a second mother to all of us in high school and since) was at my table (Ps father had just died, so he skipped the wedding) and somehow got to talking about who would be next to have kids (one friend had an unplanned then-two year old). Everyone at the table looked at me. Apparently they were all in agreement.
At that time, P and I were engaged but not yet married. Two of our other friends had been married for a few years. And we were at the wedding of other friends. And the friend with a child had already said she wanted a second relatively soon so they wouldn't be too far apart in age.
Fast forward three years. The friends who were first to marry have a two year old and are thinking about trying for a second. The friend with the unplanned first is pregnant with a planned second, due the week I was. Another couple who got married this summer is trying now. And two other couples have gotten married this year and may start trying soon. And I am sitting here, bleeding. Hoping to be the next next.
At that time, P and I were engaged but not yet married. Two of our other friends had been married for a few years. And we were at the wedding of other friends. And the friend with a child had already said she wanted a second relatively soon so they wouldn't be too far apart in age.
Fast forward three years. The friends who were first to marry have a two year old and are thinking about trying for a second. The friend with the unplanned first is pregnant with a planned second, due the week I was. Another couple who got married this summer is trying now. And two other couples have gotten married this year and may start trying soon. And I am sitting here, bleeding. Hoping to be the next next.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
CD6
My friend A and I had a chat a while back. It was a couple of weeks after my D&E, which was the same day as her HSG showed that her tubes were blocked, explaining her lack of success in the preceding year of TTC. She commented that night that the use of acronyms on infertility blogs and message boards bothered her. She had learned three acronyms during the preceding year -- TTC, 2WW, and HPT -- but had no intention of learning more. She didn't say it directly, but I got the impression that she didn't like that she would have to learn a new language in order to participate in a club she didn't want to join in the first place.
When P and I first started to try, I too checked out various message boards, and I too was put off by the acronyms. It all seemed foreign to me, and I hoped I wouldn't be around long enough to have learn the lingo. And I wasn't, then. But then things went awry, and I had time to kill, and all of a sudden charting BBT and keeping close track of my ovulation date seem purposeful and wholly necessary.
I know that I am likely to ovulate next Wednesday or Thursday. In fact, I knew that weeks ago when we booked our vacation to eastern Europe, leaving Thanksgiving night. We have plans to have a quickie Thanksgiving morning, before anyone shows up at our house, just to get in that one last shot. I am nervous about taking my BBT on Friday morning, since I will be sleeping (and therefore waking up) on the plane, at some hour that is not at all close to when I normally take my BBT. How will I know for sure I O'd? When did being certain of that start to matter? Crazy.
PS C is pregnant -- about 5 weeks. She and her husband are in the midst of a sh*tty 2WW -- waiting to find out if the baby has implanted on a uterine wall and therefore has a chance or on the septum and therefore doesn't. Keep her in your thoughts.
When P and I first started to try, I too checked out various message boards, and I too was put off by the acronyms. It all seemed foreign to me, and I hoped I wouldn't be around long enough to have learn the lingo. And I wasn't, then. But then things went awry, and I had time to kill, and all of a sudden charting BBT and keeping close track of my ovulation date seem purposeful and wholly necessary.
I know that I am likely to ovulate next Wednesday or Thursday. In fact, I knew that weeks ago when we booked our vacation to eastern Europe, leaving Thanksgiving night. We have plans to have a quickie Thanksgiving morning, before anyone shows up at our house, just to get in that one last shot. I am nervous about taking my BBT on Friday morning, since I will be sleeping (and therefore waking up) on the plane, at some hour that is not at all close to when I normally take my BBT. How will I know for sure I O'd? When did being certain of that start to matter? Crazy.
PS C is pregnant -- about 5 weeks. She and her husband are in the midst of a sh*tty 2WW -- waiting to find out if the baby has implanted on a uterine wall and therefore has a chance or on the septum and therefore doesn't. Keep her in your thoughts.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Kicked in the Gut Again
A woman I know because we have the same commute on public transit (and because we have the same basic job) told me today that she is pregnant. Like seemingly everyone else alive, she is due the week I was supposed to be. She and her husband weren't trying (she described it as a serious surprise), but they managed to get pregnant, and their baby, unlike ours, didn't die. I like her, but I really resent the crap out of them. And, of course, she is excited about it (who wouldn't be?), and so went on and on and on about pregnancy, and the first trimester versus the second, and maternity leave, and going part time at work, and every other thing that she was happy about. I sat there trying to feign happiness but it was hard. I suspect she could see through my smile and my repeated "congrats, you must be thrilled," especially since I could barely make eye contact.
So, I now know four pregnant women (other than the gazillion pregnant women who work at my firm, most of whom I don't know at all or who are acquaintances at best, but who I nevertheless really want to kick when I see doing the things on my list), and three are due the week I was. Sometimes it's hard not to believe that you did something horribly wrong, something to seriously disturb the alignment of the universe, something for which you are now being punished. I have a lot more to say on this subject (at least three posts worth), but for now I'm just feeling kicked in the gut, again.
So, I now know four pregnant women (other than the gazillion pregnant women who work at my firm, most of whom I don't know at all or who are acquaintances at best, but who I nevertheless really want to kick when I see doing the things on my list), and three are due the week I was. Sometimes it's hard not to believe that you did something horribly wrong, something to seriously disturb the alignment of the universe, something for which you are now being punished. I have a lot more to say on this subject (at least three posts worth), but for now I'm just feeling kicked in the gut, again.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Endorphin kick
I spent a good part of today crying at my desk (man am I glad I have my own office). Nothing much happened to bring it on -- I just alternated between weepiness and full-on sobbing for surprisingly long chunks of time. Awesome. I realized at some point that I had felt pretty down yesterday too, after having felt generally less terrible for more than a week. (At least yesterday there was a possible reason -- I finally responded to the email I received more than two weeks ago from a close, old friend letting me know she was pregnant with her first and, of course, due the week I should have been.) I went to the gym this afternoon, as I had every week day for the past week and a half with the exception of yesterday. And I felt a lot better afterwards. I got some work done, which I had been struggling to do all day. Am I actually needing an exercise-induced endorphin kick to get through my days?
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