No Fanfare

Harry got his first two teeth last week (Sunday and Thursday). I thought there would be more fanfare.

I also thought they'd be easier to photograph but they're not. This was the best I could do:

The Requisite Solids Post

So, we started Harry on solids when he was 5 months old-ish. After a bit of trial and error, we discovered that he's more into lunch than breakfast. It turns out the with only 90-120 minutes between waking and a desperate need for a first nap (and a need to nurse upon waking for the day) it was tough to find a time late enough that he was hungry again but early enough that he wasn't too tired. So for a month now he's been having lunch.

The boy seems to like solids. I've read that most babies take 5-9 tries to decide whether they like a food or not, but Harry seems rather opinionated right off the bat.

Rice cereal? Good. Oatmeal? Also good. Butternut squash? Yummy. Sweet potatoes? Fantastic.
Green peas? Perfectly tasty. (He actually likes them far more than this photo indicates.) Carrots? Awesomest food ever. Green beans? Um, not so much. Apparently, the smell is gross:
And so is the taste:

And so is the aftertaste:
These were from an early try. By now, the mere smell of them approaching his face causes him to purse his lips and shake his head. If I mix them in a 1:2 ratio with sweet potatoes, he'll eat them. As the ratio approaches 1:1, the eating becomes more begrudging, turning to refusal. I'll keep offering them every now and again (if for no other reason than because watching his reaction is hysterical) but they may be a no-go.

(And, yes, we own more than one bib. But somehow almost all the firsts ended up being in the same one. Easy enough, since we can rinse and reuse it. Big fan of the bib.)

Now, questions, for anyone who has any info (we'll ask these questions of the pedi as well).

• When should we start giving him a second meal? A third?
  
• And how much should he be eating at each meal (and/or overall), as far as solids go? Right now, he gets 2 tablespoons of cereal (mixed with 5-6 tablespoons of breastmilk), followed by 4 tablespoons of vegetable (about 2 ounces). (He'll have his first fruit tomorrow -- I think I'll start with bananas.) I'm pretty sure he'd gladly eat more if offered more. With carrots, he tends to get more, since he bangs on the tray of his high chair when they run out. (I hope this isn't a sign that he prefers the jarred food -- carrots are the only veggie I bought rather than made, just because I couldn't find nitrate-free carrots at the grocery store.)
  
• When can/should we introduce finger foods?
• Should he be having water post-meal? We haven't given him any, since most of our friends didn't this early, but the Super Baby Foods book seems to think it's essential.
  

Self-Care and Other Fun Stuff

This post has been a long time coming. When P and I got engaged, I weighed ~60 pounds less than I do now. When we started trying to conceive, I was ~45 pounds less. When the first pregnancy ended, I was ~35 pounds less. When I got pregnant with Harry, I was ~25 pounds lighter. At my six week post-partum visit, I was 15 pounds lighter. Yeah, you read that right. I've regained 15 pounds. While breastfeeding.

I do not look good. I never had cellulite before, but I have it now. I don't fit into my clothes. I used to be fit and athletic, but now I am out of shape. I am not modeling a healthy way of living for my son. And it's part of a larger problem. I haven't plucked so much as a single eyebrow hair since Harry was born. In that time, I've put on makeup once, and it was last weekend. I've had two haircuts since July 2007.

P fairly recently installed iLife 09 on his computer and spent some time using the facial recognition feature. I watched as he went through hundreds of photos from our collection and from my father's, many of which were of me at various points throughout my life. And it was really hard. Because even the ones taken during periods in which I thought myself fat or unkempt or otherwise unappealing looked great compared with how I look now. And I'm honestly not sure what happened. I could come up with a thousand intellectual/emotional/physical explanations, but they'd just be conjecture. I really don't know.

What I do know is that I need to do something about this. About my body, my hair, my general level of self-care. So...

• Last month, I started using our WiiFit to get some exercise. It's incredibly hard to find the time to get any exercise, and it's only going to get worse when I go back to work. That said, I need to do what I can to make the effort. Even just once a week is better than never.
  
• Inspired by Manda, I joined Weight Watchers last week. Aside from an overindulgence in pizza when my brother was visiting last night (followed by a chaser of granola bar-type foods), it's been going okay. I picked up some fruit and veggies at the store today, which should make it easier, as I was trying to change my diet without altering the contents of the fridge. It's going to be hard to stick to a diet, since P will continue to buy and eat foods I just can't if I want to take this weight off (and I don't want him to feel like he has to make changes in his life, though I wish he'd stop asking me if I want -- or bought, when I go to the store -- foods that aren't good for me). The reality is that he and I have very different relationships with food, relationships that are embarrassingly in line with what is expected based on our biology. And I don't think he gets that it's not as simple as 'just don't eat so damn much.' Even though it is. It's just hard.
• I am getting my hair cut and my brows waxed tomorrow. I'm part of a large mom group (500+ moms in the Boston area) that is run through meetup.com. One of the recurring events lately has been women taking turns hosting a stylist (also a member). Five-ish moms sign up, and everyone shares in watching the kids while each woman gets a haircut. The stylist also does waxing. You pay for whatever services you get. I'm going tomorrow.

Really, though? I need to change my attitude. Intellectually, I know this. But I'm still struggling. And it's a self-perpetuating problem as well. I don't feel great about myself, so I don't take good care of myself, so I feel worse, so I take worse care. And it's spilling over into my sense of self more generally. And P doesn't say much one way or the other. I get neither reassurance nor criticism from him when it comes to my appearance (or anything else, for that matter). I'd say our relalionship has changed a lot since Harry, and it has, but not on that subject -- he hasn't really ever provided much feedback on my appearance (or the contributions I make to the household, unless it's to criticize my many failings). But I suppose that ties into a variety of other things that are really another topic entirely. (Not that I'm bitter or anything :)

In short, I need to break the cycle. I'd like to feel healthy again. I'm never going to weigh what I did when we got engaged again, but I could and should get back to what I weighed two years ago. To that end, there's a ticker in the sidebar. I encourage all of you to keep on me about this.

Heartbreak

For some reason, I had a horrible feeling when I saw she had called, and it only got worse when I heard her message. Non-descript. Understated. Flat. Just not her. Not her at all.

One of my closest friends, a woman I love dearly and would do anything for, learned on Friday at her 18 week ultrasound that something had gone horribly wrong, that her baby's brain was too malformed to survive. She and her husband were going to wait to find out the sex, but they weren't going to have that moment in July to wait for. They chose to let her go, saying goodbye to their little girl.

My heart is broken in a thousand pieces for them. Please keep them in your prayers.

Eyes

Because Niobe asked:

Mine (excuse the unkempt eyebrows):


Harry's:

Ps are blue, as are both my parents'. For that reason, I suspect Harry's will remain blue too. That said, this is my eye at six months:


And at 2.5 years:


So who knows?

Five Months

My sweet baby boy,

It was a big month for you, dominated by our family trip to Mexico -- it only lasted 9 days, but the planning and anticipation, then the recovery, seemed to take up the rest of the month. Beyond that, the month was pretty uneventful.

As has always been the case, you are a much more pleasant boy when you sleep well, so keeping your sleep consistent is key every month. And this month was definitely inconsistent. You started getting cranky earlier in the morning, so I started putting you down earlier. Your afternoon nap got worse for a bit, then better again. You also started waking during the night again and refusing to go back to sleep. After a few nights, we tried letting you cry it out for fifteen minutes. You fell back asleep after fourteen. And that was the last night you woke up for no reason (though you have woken yourself up pooping a few times since).

On to Mexico. We were incredibly nervous about you and the trip. It was your first trip on a plane, and our friends who we were visiting don't have kids so they didn't have any kid stuff. You had never napped well (okay, at all) unless in your swing. And we have relied on your bouncy seat to keep you occupied while we ate for some time now. So we were super anxious. Or, better phrased, I was super anxious. I kept telling myself that the worse I thought it would be, the more pleasantly surprised I'd be when things were only somewhat awful -- managing my expectations, as it was. But everything went far better than could possibly be expected.


You were a rockstar on the plane. Even though we woke you up at 4:30 to go to the airport. On the first leg, you alternated between sleeping and eating. On the second, you did both those things, but you also tried to eat Daddy's Fritos and spent a lot of time laughing, mostly at your stuffed lamb, who seems to be your new favorite. You then showed off your big gummy smile in the line at Immigration, smiling at every person we passed as we snaked our way through. I like to think you made the experience a little better for everyone. And you were rewarded with your first passport stamp!

In Mexico, you saw the ocean for the first time -- oddly, you ended up seeing the Pacific before the Atlantic, even though we aren't far from the ocean at home. We spent most afternoons on the beach, which meant you spent most afternoons sleeping while one of us held you. Apparently, you find the waves soothing.

The water, not so much. You were terrified the first time your feet were dipped in, but I think you were just tired, as you fell asleep moments after your feet were taken out of the waves. (You also went in a swimming pool for the first time. Again, you didn't seem to like it at first, but adjusted fairly quickly -- it was a bit cold, so I don't blame you for being less than psyched.) By the end of the week, you at least seemed indifferent. I hope you keep trending in that direction. Your dad and I both love the beach, and while we both love sitting on the beach reading or playing beach games, our true love is of the ocean itself -- swimming, snorkeling, checking out tidepools -- we even tried surfing the last time we were in Mexico. I hope you will eventually share that love. Otherwise, you may be spending a lot of your childhood sitting on the beach by yourself while we enjoy the water :)

And our fears regarding napping proved unnecessary. The first day, we changed your diaper, put you in your sleep sack, and read you a story. Then we put you in the Pack N Play with your blankie. And you slept. For forty-five minutes. We did the same thing the next day, and you slept for two hours, as you did every morning for the rest of the week. (Afternoon naps ended up being in our arms on the beach, covered in sunscreen, wearing UV-protective clothing, and under an umbrella.)

Sadly, it has proven difficult to keep this going at home. The first three days we were home, you wouldn't nap for more than forty-five minutes, and your second nap was even shorter. Yesterday afternoon, I realized that I'd read the same story every day on vacation but hadn't gotten that out of my backpack since we got home. So I got it out. And you slept for two hours. And you've been napping better since. Apparently, you need to hear Kiss Goodnight before a nap. And I'm totally fine with that.

After months and months of torture, you seems to have decided that you rather like tummy time, at least for five to ten minutes at a time. You have figured out that you can reach and play with toys while on your stomach, which seems to make it more palatable. You love to push up on your hands, looking around and laughing. But you don't love it enough to want to do it on purpose.

On that note, you haven't started doing a ton of new things this month. You started blowing raspberries and seem to love doing so often. And you found your feet, of which you seem to be a big fan. But you still can't sit up for more than twenty seconds at a time, and you still only roll from front to back. But I'm totally okay with that -- I'm in no rush for you to grow up any faster than whatever pace you set for yourself.

This month has seen some of your personality begin to emerge. You seem to be very people-oriented and, specifically, very attuned to the feelings of others. You smile at anyone who smiles at you -- a giant gummy grin that causes everyone to remark on how cute and sweet you are. I'm a little worried your going to get a big head from all the compliments. On the flip side, you cry instantly and ceaselessly the second you hear another baby so much as wimper. Even when they stop, it's tough to convince you that they're really okay, that their needs have been attended to, that you can stop crying. You also love to hold hands with other babies. And that's really sweet. Oh, and you seem to think your stuffed bear is another baby, as you love to hold his hand too.


Harry, I can't begin to tell you how much I love you. You are such an amazing little boy, so sweet and silly and full of joy. And even when you're not, I love you all the same. Every night when I'm getting you ready for bed I spend a couple of minutes telling you how much I love you, how I'll always love you, no matter what. I know you won't remember it, but I hope you will know it all the same. I love you, with all my heart.

Love,

Mommy

A New Day

Wee Hours

It's very quiet at this hour. The clock ticking over my shoulder. The boiler humming. The pipes clanging as they work to keep the house warm.

I feel the soft in and out of your breathing, the warmth of your breath against my collarbone, the rise and fall of your chest against mine. You've made it clear that this is the only place you're sleeping tonight. And as much as I'd like to be sleeping too, I love that you find comfort in me, your mama.

Four Month Check-Up

Harry saw the pediatrician yesterday for his four-month well-baby visit. He is now 13 lbs 5 oz (25th percentile) and 25.5 inches (75th percentile) with a 16.5 inch head (50th percentile). He's still long and lean (though he looks much chunkier than before) but staying on his same percentiles across the board.

He was on his best behavior for Dr. E. He was very smiley, giggly, and active, kicking up a storm (P suggested he might have been enjoying the crinkly sound of the paper, which was most likely the case). He spent a lot of time playing with a toy, showing her how he manipulates toys with his hands and mouth. He also did tummy-time and showed how good he is at leaning on his elbows. He wasn't a fan of the shots but did much better with them than last time -- he mainly seemed shocked by the first one, then semi-indifferent to the second.

She gave us the go-ahead to start rice cereal, but I think we're going to hold off another month. I'm in no big rush to start solids, plus I don't want to have to deal with rice cereal when we're in Mexico. And he's still a peanut, and solids don't add much calorie-wise at this point. She said to start sometime before our next appointment in March, which I'd want to do anyway since I want him to start solids before he starts daycare, and I'd be more comfortable waiting a bit longer. So wait we will.

Wordless Wednesday: Failed Efforts at a Monthiversary Photo with a Comparison Animal