Basement Projects

We have a finished room in our basement that we've never put to a ton of use. It's actually a fairly nice space, with knotty pine walls, tile floor, a full-sized (i.e. not basement-style crank-out) window, and a fireplace. On the less-nice side, one wall is covered in mirrors, the heat doesn't work (though we have a space heater), there aren't a ton of power outlets, and there's currently no ceiling, as P rewired the phone and some electric and replaced the crummy old recessed lights with new ones and can't put the ceiling back up until he gets the work permitted and approved by the inspector of wires.

Part of the reason we haven't done much is a lack of a good sense of what to do with it and how to lay it out. Here are the basics: The room is approximately 12 feet by 20 feet. It looks kinda like this:
(Sorry the image sucks). Across from the window is the wall of mirrors. Until this week, we had two arm chairs in front of the fireplace with a little table between them. The exercise bike (unused for many months, since it became uncomfortable partway through pregnancy) sits in the lower left corner, with the exercise step (also unused for many months) leaning against it. The lower right corner houses an old extra TV with a VCR and our old Replay box (a first generation DVR we've had since before they became widely available). We used to have chairs in front of the TV, but moved them upstairs at some point for company. The bike also used to be there at one point. This week, I set up a play area for Harry and any little friends he has over in the space in front of the TV (just because it's open space, not because there's a TV) -- there are blankets on the floor, with the bouncy seat and a playmat down there. Half of his toys are also down there, sitting on the floor. I like the idea of this being an easy play space.

So, what I'm thinking is to get a cheap used sectional to put in the lower left corner with a good spot by the fireplace, then rotate the play space to be more in the center of the room (and partly in front of the sectional), then put the two chairs currently in front of the fireplace in front of the TV so they can be used to watch kids on the play space or to watch TV. Then I'll see where the bike will fit and move it there -- probably the upper right corner. And then I'll try to put the rest of our exercise equipment with/near it. I'm excited to make this space more functional and get more use of out it.

First task: take measurements and look for a cheap sectional. Or, first task: get P to get the permitting and inspection done and put the ceiling back up, then get a sectional.

Once this takes shape, I'll post pictures. Maybe I'll even post some pictures of it as it is now.

Calming A Fussy Baby

During our "Taking Care of Your Newborn Class," the instructor had all attendees go around the room and state something we would do to calm our baby when they fussed. There were eleven couples, so twenty-two attendees, and twenty-two suggestions, 15-17 of which were variations on hold-them-against-my-chest/shoulder-and-pat/rub-their-back. My suggestion was singing to him (not surprisingly), which continues to be one of the first things I turn to when I want to turn this:
into this:
When Harry fusses, as he does sometimes, here are some of the things he likes the most (in addition to meeting his basic needs -- fed, clean diaper, neither too warm nor cold, being burped, being held):

• Being sung to -- his current favorite is Amazing Grace
  
• The swing, especially the side-to-side motion
• Swaying while being patted on the bottom -- even better if you can find a way to hold the pacifier in while you do it
  
• Going outside -- he loves the fresh air; a car ride or a stroll are added bonuses
• Stroking his duck blanket (one of the blankets with an animal head -- soft on one side, silky on the other)
• A change of scenery -- especially a trip to the living room. Sometimes that's enough; other times, we need to keep moving
• A change of position, especially to an outward-facing position
  

What other suggestions do people have, both for me and for anyone else reading here?

All Through the Night

Harry was asleep last night at 8:45. He got up at 6:45 this morning. I'm not holding my breath while I wait for it to happen again or anything, but it was nice to get a full night's sleep for the first time in a long while.

F0r anyone who is nursing and whose children do this regularly, do you get up in the night to pump? or do you just deal with feeling like you're going to explode come morning?

Happy Birthday Dad!

(My dad with his dad)

I have always loved singing, despite my not-so-great voice. As a kid, I sang in the church youth choir and also in the school chorus. In middle school, my friends and I started an a capella group that had actual gigs, and I sang lead on a few songs. In college and for a few years after, I sang in a gospel choir. So now that I have a captive audience -- and because I hope to foster in him the same love of music, even if he too lacks any real talent -- I have been singing quite a bit. The sad part, though, is that I only really know single lines and verses, little snippets, a bit of the melody of many of the children's songs I know. And, even though Harry doesn't know any better, I find that embarrassing.

(my dad with me)

(My dad with Harry)

So, a few weeks ago, I went online and googled children's music lyrics and came upon this site. As I scrolled through the lyrics available, I quickly realized that for many of the songs there, I heard them in my head. And the voice I heard singing was my dad's. Traditional children's songs like Pop Goes The Weasel, Row Row Row Your Boat, Teddy Bear's Picnic. Patriotic songs like Caissons Go Rolling Along, The Marine Hymn, Off We Go Into the Wild Blue Yonger -- random for a man who never served in the military due to severe allergies. My mom was the one who read me stories at night, but my dad marched me to bed each night, carrying me over his shoulder, singing as we went. He isn't a great singer -- much of his singing is more like a whisper over the hint of a tune -- but, like me, he sang anyway. And for that I say thanks dad! And happy 67th birthday!

Odd Man Out

Mel posted last week about the unexpected and upsetting end of a friendship, an end that came out of nowhere and for which no explanation was given. Her post resonated with me, bringing me back to a much earlier time in my own life, to an age at which friendships often exist in a state of flux and end abruptly. I was a sensitive kid, though, and the experience still sticks with me, twenty-five or so years later.

In the first grade, I had a few best friends, one of whom was a girl named Sarah. One afternoon in the summer between first and second grade, I was at her house, me and another girl, D. The three of us decided to play baseball in the yard, and we needed bases. We agreed each to contribute our left shoe to the cause. But there were only three, and we needed a home plate. Sarah looked at me and informed me that my other shoe would be home plate. In that moment, there was no request and no doubt, and Sarah was the alpha girl in our little group. So I took off my shoe. And when I got home I cried, recognizing the moment of that demand, or perhaps the moment of my acquiescence, as the end of my friendship with Sarah. And it was. She stopped returning my phone calls, started turning down my requests to play, and no longer spoke to me at school.

Twenty-five years later, it still hurts. I still wonder what happened -- was I too weak? too aloof? just not cool enough? I google her every now and again -- she went to Dartmouth and is married with a child. We have three Facebook friends in common, and I wonder who, since I moved away after the fifth grade and only have one Facebook friend dating back to that period (oddly, D -- we have remained in touch for the past twenty years, albeit somewhat superficially). I have resisted the urge to message her, or friend request her. I can't imagine that she has any recollection of that day, or even her friendship with me. Which is sad, since that one moment is one I've replayed over and over and over again, wondering whether there was something I could or should have done differently, never questioning whether I would even have wanted to.

Connecting, or Living in Parallel

Last Friday night, P and I went to a friend's house for dinner. After a couple of hours, I had to take Harry home to get him ready for and into bed. In the time I was there, I'm not sure I spoke a single sentence that wasn't about Harry, and, being with people without kids (including half of a couple in the midst of IVF round 2, embarking on a FET after the wife developed OHSS before transfer on round 1), I didn't want to blabber on about him, so I didn't say much at all. I found myself feeling incredibly self-conscious, hyper-aware of the fact that I seemed to have become a bit of a shell of a person.

To be honest, I don't think I've ever been a great conversationalist -- I've always been a bit awkward when it comes to smalltalk, taking after my dad in that regard. I've gone through many such self-conscious moments in my life and have spent a lot of time feeling very alone, fearing that my inability to carry on a conversation has left me with more acquaintances than friends, struggling to connect with anyone on a substantial and substantive level. I think it's a bit of why I have always dived full-on into things, whether it be genealogy, sports, work, school, parenting -- having a hobby gives me something to talk about and a community of people with whom to connect.

But I never really feel connected. It's as though the world is full of people passing by, living their lives in parallel with mine but rarely being close enough to touch. And when I do reach out, or when they do, we make contact for a while, until we just don't anymore. And then we just drift back into our own parallel lives. As a result, I have few close friends from childhood or even college, and those I do have, I have largely because they put forth the effort.

When a relationship I was in many years ago ended, my ex got really angry and said quite a few hurtful things. Among them was that I was shallow, that my friendships were shallow, that my love of photography was the ultimate testimonial to that fact -- I chose to memorialize my life and the people in it rather than living it and interacting with them. At the time, I was really pissed. But there are days, weeks, months when I fear that I was so angry because he was the first person to ever really point out a serious truth about me. What if I do lack some essential ability to connect with people?

Wishing It Was Summer

Not that I want time to move at all faster (please don't misunderstand me), but, now that the leaves are off the trees, I am missing summer.

(I am also wondering why, when blogger compresses my photos, it seems to suck the vibrancy out of them.)

More Aerodynamic?

We discovered at the pediatrician yesterday (I want to call her "the vet" every time -- what is wrong with me?) that Harry prefers to do tummy time naked. He actually enjoys it rather than merely tolerating it for a few minutes then exploding in cries of frustration. So tonight, we laid out a towel on the bathmat and had him do tummy time before his bath. Not only did he keep going until he got tired from all the activity and decided to just lie there, sucking his thumb, but he was actually mobile -- he managed to get his knees up under his stomach and chest and slowly move himself forward several inches. And he almost pitched himself over completely two or three times -- he kicked his lower half up, but his arm and shoulder kept him from rolling any further.

As much as it is exciting that he seems to be developing properly, it makes me very sad that he may not be our little baby for as long as I would have hoped. I know a woman whose son was cruising before he hit six months (and crawling long before that), and it turned him into a very independent little boy who only needs to be held when something goes awry. She found it sad not to be needed, and I don't blame her. There's something to be said for being so essential in such a natural and healthy way in someone else's life.

Ouch

Harry had his two month appointment with the pediatrician today. (Speaking of whom, I really like her. She's great. I'm glad we did interviews as her practice wasn't one that anyone we knew used so we probably wouldn't have chosen her if we hadn't been committed to speaking to someone at each practice in our town.)

On the positive side, she seemed impressed with his meeting of developmental milestones, specifically how verbal (and smiley!) he is and how well he did at tummy time (he was trying to roll over by pushing off on one leg). And, as usual, she commented on how wide-eyed and alert he is.

On the negative side, he had to have three shots and the oral rotavirus vaccine. It was terrible to watch. He cried and cried from the shots (he liked the oral vaccine -- yum). He stopped right away when I picked him up, which was reassuring. But it was terrible to see him in pain. And he's been doing a lot more crying than usual today, including while nursing, which is difficult for me emotionally. That said, he is sleeping like a log right now.

His stats:

23.5 inches long -- 75th percentile
10 lbs 6 oz -- 25th percentile
15.75 inch head circumference -- 5oth percentile

So, he has held steady percentile-wise, which is what they want to see. For now, he remains long and lean. (Though I think his weight was at its low point since he had just spat up most of his breakfast and had just peed when they weighed him. If we weighed him several times during the day, he'd probably average to closer to 10-9, I'd guess.)

Two Months

My sweet pea,

Your second month has been so exciting, filled with so many changes, so much growth and development. Your dad and I are better able to appreciate these changes (not that we didn't before!) now that we are getting a little more sleep, a little more consistently. You have also started sleeping longer, going from three hour stretches to now a seven hour one to start the night. It's amazing to think that a month ago three hours seemed like an accomplishment. Also, this month, you started to nap. Well, you always napped, but last month it was mainly you falling asleep after (or while) eating and sleeping on me. Now you nap in the swing, which lets you sleep a lot longer, since the swing doesn't have to get up to pee. Thanks to naps, you have far fewer crying jags in the evening, which your dad really appreciates now that he is back to work and mostly sees you in the evening. Plus, you are so incredibly cute when you sleep.

Month two has also brought to you an interest in and appreciation of the world outside yourself. You may even know that your dad and I exist! You smile and coo so much more, and you and daddy have lengthy conversations -- he is trying to teach you to imitate vowel sounds, which you do sometimes, though I don't think you really get what you're doing. You also discovered your toys this month. You have a strange love of your toy pig, which you love to stroke, and of a rather unattractive toy called the Whoo.zit -- I think it looks like Sweetums. You also like to rub a blankie on your face. And you'll put pretty much anything in your mouth, though your fist and thumb are the most frequent entrants.

Probably because of the number of things going in your mouth and being sucked on, you drool a lot. I hate the thought of covering up your cute outfits, but I think we may need to start putting a bib on you.

The month has also been full of firsts. It was your first Halloween. We aren't quite sure what your costume was (a dragon? a lizard? a dinosaur? a monster?) but it looked very cute on you. All the neighborhood children said so when they came seeking candy.


You also met Santa for the first time and had your first photos taken with him. It amuses me a bit that we did this during your second month, when Christmas isn't until your fourth month, but we wanted to avoid crowds and lines, which we succeeded in doing. One day you'll look back on that day with great amazement -- you met the real Santa for the first time! (like the first time your uncle T met the real Donald Duck), and later with a more calloused, jaded view, but for now you don't get it at all. But we did it anyway.

You also met one of your great-grandparents for the first time this month, and two of your step-great-grandparents as well. To be honest, your great-grandma would have preferred that you have been a girl, as all her great-grandchildren are boys and I'm her only granddaughter, but she loves you very much and especially loves that your name -- Harry -- was her dad's name. We celebrated her 90th birthday with her, and she said how happy it would have made her dad to know you were named in part for him. Sadly, you also attended your first memorial service, for one of your other great-grandparents. With three great-grandparents in their nineties and a step-great-grandparent in the hospital, it's unlikely to be your last. But it's a part of life.

You were baptized this month by the bishop, joining many generations of my family -- your family -- to be baptized into the Episcopal Church. I am so happy for you, as is everyone else at church. All your grandparents were there, as were your godparents, though your uncle and aunts missed it -- they were so sad they couldn't be there, but, as you'll come to know, your uncle isn't good with remembering dates and what skill he has there has to be saved for use in his business. Even though you usually sleep straight through church, you cried straight through your baptism. It turned out you had peed everywhere, including straight through your funny little outfit. This was how we discovered you had grown out of your newborn size Super.Whisper.Wrap diaper covers. Sorry we didn't realize it sooner!

Finally, though it isn't about you directly, this month saw the election of a new president and with it the birth of a new hope for many people in this country, which we hope will have a profound effect on you and your life. You came with your dad and I to vote, and I spent the whole walk home explaining voting to you, discussing its importance as well as the votes your dad and I cast for each office and each ballot measure and why we cast them and how we feel that those votes reflect our values and the values we hope to impart to you as you grow up. I hope you come to share those values, including the value we place on respecting the differing opinions of others, including those who share our values but ultimately come out differently with respect to the issues and/or politicians, people who have a different vision for the implementation of those values.

With much love,

Mommy