Wednesday, September 10, 2008

September 10

A year ago today we were told that our first baby's heart had stopped beating. Ten days or so earlier we had been told that this was the likely outcome of that pregnancy, but I don't think it made hearing the news any easier. And the passage of a year and reaching 39.5 weeks in this pregnancy did less to ease the sadness than I had imagined. I spent much of the morning crying, not sure which tears were in grief over last year and the rice krispie and which tears were in fear for today and Lou.

Today was not a repeat of a year ago. The news was largely neutral. The arrhythmia persists, but only some of the time. And the NST was reactive, though Lou chose to snooze through most of the first 30 minutes, so I had to be strapped in for almost an hour in a position that is far from my favorite. We go back Friday for another round. And the doc is spending the time between now and then contemplating the next steps, specifically, whether to induce this weekend, as she is on call on Sunday. Sunday, of course, is our due date, and is a year to the day after the D&E. The doctor is weighing two factors: while any there is some sense that Lou's arrhythmia might be easier to evaluate on the outside, s/he is clearly not ready to come out yet, or at least s/he thinks s/he is not yet ready given the complete and total lack of progress taking place with my cervix. For now, the waiting continues.

10 comments:

mo*reezy said...

I am sorry that you're experiencing this stress - combo of sad, sad memories and anticipation and worry over Lou's arrival and health. We're pulling for you over here, and I hope you can find some relaxation, somehow.

Jen said...

I'm glad that the news on Lou was good. I've had my fingers crossed for you.

I am so sorry about your first baby. These anniversaries are hard. I'll be thinking of that baby.

Nicky said...

So sorry about the confluence of events. I hope that Lou improves soon (and makes his/her own decisions about birth!). I'll be thinking about you.

Heidi said...

I'm so sorry that the timing is what it is...anniversaries are hard enough all on their own.

Sending love to you and your babies.

niobe said...

The whole thing -- the timing, the waiting, the somewhat ambiguous news -- must be very hard.

Thinking of you.

Shinyung said...

Oh, how difficult. Reading your post brought back a flood of emotions for me. Please hang in there. You have 99% on your side, and I'll be praying for your baby's safe delivery.

docgrumbles said...

I didn't realize (or just forgot) our losses were so close together. Bad anniversaries are just awful.

I am hoping for the best for little Lou!

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Sweetie, I am so sorry about the timing of the news as well as the irregular heartbeat. I hope Friday brings good answers.

Meghan said...

This timing is just horrible--I'm so sorry you are getting slammed like this. Hoping you get answers and whenever you get to meet little Lou that he is absolutely 100% perfect

Kate said...

What awful timing. So glad these days passed without you going into labor. This way, Lou's arrival is a bit removed from this sad anniversary.

Many thoughts and prayers that the irregular heartbeat is indeed nothing and that Lou enters the world healthy and happy.