Saturday, April 4, 2009

Sleeping In

Out of the last eleven weekend days, P has slept in on nine of them. Four or five of those, he slept until 9. Most of the rest were until 7:30 or 8. Two he only slept until Harry was changed and fed. (Harry wakes up around 6:20 most days. Man, I wish it were 7.) I have slept in (enough to require P to give him a bottle) four times since Harry was born, one of those times being in the past few weeks.

On these weekend mornings, I find myself full of a jumble of emotions and am never quite sure what to make of it. I feel a resentment toward P for just assuming that I will be the one to get up every frickin Saturday and Sunday. But it's not really about that. It's not like I don't want to be spending that time with Harry, feeding him and playing with him, just the two of us. Because I do. Who would want to miss this?

It's more that I wish that I didn't feel an underlying sense of guilt for wanting to sleep in. Because, seriously, I'd love to get a little extra sleep. I miss sleeping past 7. Really, really miss it. And I'm not good at going to bed early, so I'm tired all the time. But I get so much less time with Harry now that I'm back at work, and I hate the idea of giving any of that up, even for sleep. And he already gets so many meals provided by someone who isn't me each week. And he's growing so much and doing so many new things and getting ready to pop more teeth and starting to push up on his hands and knees and discovering new ways to play with toys and I'd hate to miss any of it.

For a while I thought that maybe my resentment toward P was really me wanting him to want to spend that time with Harry (in a very stereotypical woman-wanting-man-to-want-something kinda way) and to be willing to sacrifice time for himself to do so. But I think maybe I'm just jealous of his ability to take space for himself when he needs it. To go play video-games with friends on a Saturday. To take a motorcycle safety class for a weekend. To get a little extra sleep. I probably need to do more of that myself. But I'm not really there yet.

Something for me to ponder.


Katie said...

I really feel you on this.

Kelly C. said...

Don't feel guilty about wanting more sleep! You need it! If you are constantly exhausted, it is going to be harder to concentrate on Harry.. I find it MUCH easier to deal with AJ if I am rested. My hubby gets Amelia at least one weekend morning since I am the one up with her every night.. I hope P comes around!

Lisa said...

I hear ya on all of this. I miss sleep too. I can tell you not to feel guilty but that's easier said than done. Mommy guilt is awful.
Harry's looking so cute!!

Nicky said...

Mommy guilt really does suck, I constantly struggle with it, so I'll just add a few things to ponder:

1. Wanting to spend every non-lawyer-ing moment you can with Harry is understandable. So is wanting P to spend more time with Harry. Both are totally normal, good goals, but you have to acknowledge that they're contradictory. If you want to share parenting with P, you need to step back sometimes and let him spend time with Harry instead of you always being the caretaker.

2. Is it possible that P is backing off from spending time with Harry because he KNOWS that you miss having lots of bonding time with Harry for yourself? I thought that S wanted lots of time for himself, wanted to sleep in, etc., but it turned out that mainly he was just trying not to get in my way, giving me bonding-time precedence because I'm The Mommy. Once we talked about how we both wanted those experiences, we became much better at having some Mommy-Son time, some Daddy-Son time, and some Family-Of-Three time. And on different days, some of each type happens at 6:00 in the morning.

3. Carving time for yourself is important, but finding that balancing act and not feeling guilty about it takes time. You've only recently gone back to work. Don't beat yourself up over it. When I was home alone with LL, I loved going out occasionally with friends. Now that I'm back at work, I'm not as anxious to leave the house. I'm sure as I get more used to my role as working mom, I'll grow more comfortable at going out again.

Now, go get some sleep! :)

Mommy, Esq. said...

I hear you but this is why we have a rule at our house that one weekend morning Husband sleeps in and I get the other unless I've organized something for that day (e.g., a play group). I also highly recommend taking a nap when he does for his first nap - makes the afternoon time together more enjoyable and you still have that second nap to get stuff done. Finally, I slept until 9 am (!) at my sister's house this weekend - never would have happened at home. And I surprisingly didn't miss the kids like I thought I would.

Megan said...

I get up for my boys' 3 a.m. feeding by myself, and my husband sleeps right through it. I prefer it this way. He tells me to wake him up, but I am grouchy in the middle of the night, so he invariably gets on my nerves if he gets up to help me, and I end up being mean to him.

The crazy part is that even though I choose to have it that way, I resent him for it a little. Why can't he suck it up and feed both babies by himself like I do?

Too bad babies don't just sleep until we go to get them.

KatieM said...

Oh, I feel ya here....I completely understand the resentment for hubby AND the Mommy guilt. DH works Sunday through Thursday so he is off Friday. Do you know what he does...takes the boy to the baby sitter regardless so he can have "time to himself" Um...WTH.

Part of me doesn't understand why he doesn't want to spend that day with his son (who he loves more than anything) and part of me is jealous he gets his own time. It's a complicated emotion...


areyoukiddingme said...

My husband and I have the same cycle going. There are complex reasons why I continue to let it happen, but it still occasionally bugs me. On the other hand, many times, once he does roll out of bed, if I'm tired, I go back to bed for an hour or two.

Amanda said...

There's no guilt to be had in wanting no sleep. I've also found that it's so much easier for me to deal with the boys if I'm not exhausted. I also laid down the law that since I'm up every night and every morning with them, he gets to take them either Saturday or Sunday morning so I can go back to bed.

Elizabeth said...

Oh boy, I hear you! I was thinking about the exact same thing last night.