Four Months

My big boy,

This month, you celebrated your first Christmas. And celebrate you did, even if you weren't aware of what it was you were celebrating. There's a series of car ads out right now, comparing a car to the recipient's best present ever, flashing back to childhood gifts like big wheels and video games. You won't remember it, but the look on your face the first time when you went in your jumperoo reminded me of those ads. Best. Gift. Ever. I loved seeing that look.

That said, it is important to me that you know what Christmas is all about -- that it's not just about presents (or spending time in the car). I don't want you to grow up thinking that Christmas is about gifts and money and material things; it is about something far more precious and wonderful. That is why we all went to church together on Christmas Eve.

Although your dad and I have different beliefs when it comes to religion, including Christmas(and when you're old enough, you can and will decide for yourself what you believe, hopefully with enough exposure to church to make that decision an informed one), we share the same values. Even if you ultimately choose not to believe in the miracle of Christmas, I hope you at least see it as a time to celebrate family and togetherness rather than a time for things. And that's why we spend time in the car. So we can go see the family that can't come to see us, like your Big Papa.

Speaking of that time in the car, you spent a lot of it sleeping. Much of this month was about sleep. You continued sleeping through the night, even when we were in strange houses, and even when we had to put you to sleep in one place then move you to another, neither of which was home, and for that we were very thankful. You fell asleep under the tree at your grandma's house. You even took a nap in the dog's bed. You did have a few days where you woke up in the middle of the night like you did when you were very little, but we got through them. At the end of the month, we even got you sleeping in your crib without the carseat (without any fanfare, I'd like to note). Hoorah! We knew you wouldn't go to college sleeping in a carseat, but that didn't keep me from fearing that you might need to bring it to day care. Or kindergarten.

At the end of the month, you reminded us that you are very unpleasant when you don't take a nap. You reminded us of this by refusing to nap for days, then being Mr. Crankypants. Just so you know, we hadn't forgotten.

You finally napped again while snuggled against me in the wrap. When I was pregnant with you, I assumed I'd spend much of your first few months wearing you in that wrap. But I didn't. At first because I was nervous, and then because you didn't seem to like it. Not just the wrap, but any kind of snuggling or closeness, other than when eating or immediately thereafter. You were a very curious guy, very interested in exploring the world. I felt a little sad at first, but I got over it.

Motherhood hasn't gone the way I expected it to in a lot of different ways, and that has made me a far more flexible person in general. That said, I was thrilled that you wanted to snuggle close to me, that you found me comforting and soothing. And you've wanted to be held a lot more since then. I know it won't last forever, and that's okay. Because I love that you're curious about and engaged with the world. But I'll enjoy these moments for all they're worth as long as they last.

Speaking of your independence, one sign that it will be coming soon is that you started rolling over. You only go in one direction (tummy to back) but you can do it. And have done it daily for the past week or two. Usually right before your bath, when we force you to do naked tummy time. Which is the way you prefer to do tummy time, if crying less can be called a preference.

And you continue to love the bath. You especially love to kick and splash. With the goal of ejecting the hippo from the tub. The other bath toys can stay, but not the hippopotamus. Stupid hippo.

Finally, this month you began to develop a relationship with the dog. You follow him with your eyes and face as he moves around the room (making it hard to take your picture when he's around), touch him when he goes by, kick him when he bothers you. You don't seem to mind the incessant licking. And, man is it incessant. We hope it just means that he wants to protect you. Or wants you to smell like him. Or something positive. Either way, you each seem to see each other as a part of the family.

Our family. Every day I am amazed that you are a part of it. And I can't imagine life without you.

Love,

Mommy