Saturday, October 25, 2008

Not the best day ever...

Ps grandmother passed away last night. Ps mom called yesterday to let us know that his grandma had developed pneumonia and that they were administering comfort measures only (after antibiotics failed) and didn't expect her to survive the weekend. We got the call this morning. In many ways, we lost her a few years ago -- she developed rapid-onset dementia in the months following Ps father's (her son) death, so this was more the death of her body than anything else.

Sadly, once she stopped knowing who we were, we stopped visiting her in the nursing home she moved to a few months after my FIL died. So we hadn't seen her for a couple of years even though she lived a few miles away. I feel awful about it, but it was important to P to preserve his memories of her as they were. And, with his family, it's important for me to do what is important to him. We went to the hospital to be with his mom and aunt yesterday but didn't go in the room to see his grandma. She was a great lady who I feel very fortunate to have gotten to know. She will be much missed, but, to be fair, she has been much missed for years now.

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On a completely unrelated note, my stepmother (my mom's wife) is being really petty right now and it has me really upset. She is angry that I forgot her birthday. I get it. I feel really bad. Things have been busy around here, but that's no real excuse. But today she refused to talk to me on the phone. And she seems to have decided not to come to Harry's baptism, which is taking place next weekend when the bishop visits my church. She says it's because I didn't tell her about it far enough in advance. First, that isn't true. I told them this past summer when my minister first mentioned the date. I still wasn't completely convinced we were really going to have a baby come All Saint's Sunday, but mentioned the baptism date to my mom and stepmom nonetheless. I mentioned it again the first time she saw Harry -- they came to visit a few minutes after the minister came to the hospital to bless him. I know I mentioned it, and P remembers it too. Second, what difference would it make? Had she known in advance, the conflicting event would still be taking place at the same time and she'd have to choose. If she remembered me telling her more in advance, she'd make a different choice, attending her grandson's baptism instead of her minister's final service at her church, but because she didn't have advance warning, she'll choose the final service? That doesn't make sense to me. Regardless of her reasons, I just don't get punishing Harry for my faults. Ugh. Why would anyone be so juvenile? Or am I being unreasonable?

In some ways, the saddest part is that all I can think about is what I can or should do to make up for forgetting her birthday. As P pointed out, people make mistakes, but most of us are adults about it and may feel hurt but don't act like children about it. But my guilt seems to be reigning supreme here.

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All in all, today hasn't been the best day ever. But it certainly hasn't been the worst.

9 comments:

Newt said...

Boo. Sorry it's been a rough day. I hope the issue with your stepmother sorts itself out soon. You don't really need a guilt trip, with a new baby to worry about!

My heart goes out to P. My grandma had dementia before she died, too, and it's terrible to lose someone in pieces. Your whole family is in my thoughts.

Jenn said...

Oh I'm so sorry. *hugs* (ICLW)

Jen said...

No, that isn't a good day. I'm sorry.

And no, she's being unreasonable, not you.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Stacie said...

I am sorry about the loss of P's grandmother and that this has been a rough day.

Hope your stepmother comes to her senses. You made a mistake; she needs to get over it, especially since you've apologized. I hope it isn't stressing you out too much.

Your baby is gorgeous by the way! Congrats!

Here from ICLW.

P.S. Thanks for stopping by my blog. :-)

CappyPrincess said...

So sorry to hear of the loss. Even if she didn't know you, you knew her and loved her all the same.

Hugs and good wishes for your family.


ICLW

Sassy said...

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry your Step-Mum is being so ridiculous. I'm sure she'll regret it later if she continues being silly. People make mistakes, but you've just got to move on.

Kristin said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Its never easy.

Also, I am sorry your stepmother is being so pissy. I can't believe she is choosing to miss his baptism. {{{Hugs}}}

ICLW

Mary said...

I'm sorry to hear about P's grandmother. My grandfather had similar issues, and we didn't really see him for years before he died. It makes it hard to know how to feel...you've already grieved, but now you have to grieve again.

I agree w/ PP about your stepmother. She's being unreasonable, not you.

(ICLW)

Amanda said...

You, P, and his family are in my thoughts and prayers.

I think you're being perfectly reasonable. I hope your stepmom comes to her senses before the baptism.