Monday, June 23, 2008

Reverberations

How do those of you with one or more less than ideal parents not quake in fear at the thought that you might not be able to do any better, that the flawed model you have been presented for parenting may have left its subconscious imprint despite all efforts at conscious rejection?

9 comments:

Cece said...

I feel like I know I've learned from my OWN mistakes.. so I'm assuming that I'll take the lessons learned from my childhood and apply them to my parenting. But I guess it's more of a wait and see!

Jen said...

Just by asking that question, it is obvious that you won't make those mistakes. You are going to be an awesome parent!

Plus, you have all of us to keep you honest. :)

Melissa said...

I definitely share your concerns. Although I love my mother, she is overbearing and her priorities are sometimes a little mixed up. I'm also scared of turning into her. However, our mere awareness of this will make us better parents. Awareness is key.

niobe said...

Though mostly for reasons outside their control, my parents, bless their hearts, did such a spectacularly bad job of raising me and my brother that, really, I don't think I could do worse if I tried.

mo*reezy said...

I completely agree with what Jen said. You know how they say that the first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem? You've just begun the recovery process for all the generations to come in your family, simply by acknowledging that the way you were raised was not okay. I hardly know you, yet I have faith you will be an excellent mother.

sushilover said...

I completely agree with Jen too. I actually think of one prime example in my life...my mother's smoking. She started offering cigarettes to me to smoke when I was just 12. Besides the point that this was completely irresponsible as a parent, I never touched one and felt better for it. And still til this day both my brother and I have never smoked a cigarette. I think it's because we saw how addictive and disgusting it makes a person who has been smoking all her life.

But my point is, just from her outlandish behavior I have learned a lesson rather than following in her footsteps. Sometimes the more the outrageous behavior, the more you'll be inclined to remember it and be cautious not to mimick it.

Tanya said...

The fact that you recognize their mistakes. Do I think I'm going to be a perfect parent? No, but I do know that my son will not hear comments about "crying like a girl" or "insert negetive racial/sexual stereotype here" from my mouth.

I've been told that I'm being ridiculous but I will not have my child exposed to such intollerance or believe he's somehow less of a person because he has emotions. I completely intend to pack up the boy and leave when these comments come out of my fathers mouth... maybe at some point he'll realize he won't get to see his grandson if he can't watch his mouth? And when he's old enough to understand I will let the boy know exactly WHY we're leaving.

Future Mommy said...

It's funny, but Future Daddy and I are surrounded by people - some family, some friends, that have or are doing a spectacularly bad job of raising children. We just tell ourselves that with all of these examples, we won't be able to help but to do better since we now know exactly what NOT to every do!!!

Danifred said...

This is both a response to a comment you left on my blog and a comment on this particular post. The comment I received about having another girl that went something like "oh well" was from my very own mother. I think that by recognizing the flaws of our mothers and fathers we are already becoming better parents than our parents were for us. At least, I hope so!